I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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