He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
