I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize