I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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