I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
