He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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