he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
