I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
