Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
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Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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