I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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