I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize