I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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