dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
