i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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