She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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