it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
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