go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
