So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I smell like Dick and happiness
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
