I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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