I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
