Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
