He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
it glows. i had to have it.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
