By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
