I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
