I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
