Do you still have your period?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
