and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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