i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
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I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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