I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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