He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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