so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
