Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize