Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
