12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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