Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
