the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
