I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
