my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
