I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
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