I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
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Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
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Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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