i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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