Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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