idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
