I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
