the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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