I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
honey bunches of taint.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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