Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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