Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
