I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
