I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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