i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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