i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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