i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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