Don't you send me to vm
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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