Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
