i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
