so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I need a beard to bite.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
