Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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