chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Randomize
