I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
