I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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