he puts the penis in happiness.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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