I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
