You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
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