she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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