Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Boobs speak an international language.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
