I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
