Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
