whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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