Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
